The Real Talk
You clicked the disclaimer. You're clearly the skeptical type. Good for you.
Here's what the science actually says—no jokes, no BS.
First, Some Context
The penis enlargement industry is worth billions of dollars globally, built almost entirely on insecurity and misinformation. Companies prey on men's fears with fake before/after photos, fabricated testimonials, and pseudoscientific claims.
The website you just came from is satire—a parody of these scam sites. But we figured if you clicked through to here, you might actually want real information. So here it is.
Myths vs. Reality
Pills and supplements can increase penis size
No pill, supplement, vitamin, or herb has ever been scientifically proven to increase penis size. The FDA has issued warnings against many of these products, some of which contain hidden drugs or dangerous ingredients.
Source: FDA, Mayo Clinic
Pumps provide permanent enlargement
Vacuum pumps can create temporary engorgement by drawing blood into the penis, but this effect is temporary (minutes to hours). They're actually designed to help with erectile dysfunction, not enlargement.
Source: Mayo Clinic, Cleveland Clinic
Exercises and stretching can add inches
There's no scientific evidence that jelqing, stretching, or any exercise routine can permanently increase penis size. Some of these techniques can actually cause injury, scarring, or erectile dysfunction.
Source: BJU International, Urology journals
The average is much larger than it actually is
The actual average erect penis length is about 5.1-5.5 inches (13-14 cm). Studies show most men significantly overestimate the average due to unrealistic portrayals in pornography.
Source: British Journal of Urology International (17,000+ men study)
Size matters most for sexual satisfaction
Research consistently shows that communication, emotional connection, foreplay, and technique matter far more than size for partner satisfaction. Most nerve endings are in the outer third of the vagina.
Source: Journal of Sexual Medicine, multiple partner satisfaction studies
What Actually Exists
Here are the real options that exist, with honest assessments. Note that most aren't recommended.
Losing Weight
LifestyleThe penis is partially buried in the pubic fat pad. Losing abdominal fat doesn't make it bigger, but it can reveal more of what's already there. This is the only 'method' that actually works and has health benefits.
Trimming/Grooming
CosmeticTrimming pubic hair can make the penis appear larger by removing visual obstruction. It's instant, free, and reversible.
Treating Erectile Dysfunction
MedicalIf you're not achieving full erections, treating the underlying cause (with a doctor) can help you reach your actual full size. This isn't 'enlargement' but restoration.
Penile Surgery (Lengthening)
SurgicalLigament cutting surgery can increase flaccid length by releasing the suspensory ligament. However, it doesn't increase erect length and can cause erection angle issues, instability, and scarring.
Penile Surgery (Girth)
SurgicalFat injection or dermal grafts can increase girth, but results are often uneven, temporary (fat reabsorbs), and can cause lumps, scarring, or deformity.
The Actual Point
You're probably normal. Studies consistently show that most men who worry about their size are actually within the normal range. The "average" you see in porn is heavily selected, often augmented, and filmed with tricks to look larger.
Partners care less than you think. When surveyed, partners consistently rate other factors (emotional connection, communication, attentiveness, technique) as more important than size. The insecurity often does more damage to relationships than actual size ever could.
If it's affecting your mental health, talk to someone. Body dysmorphia around penis size is a real condition. If concerns about your size are significantly impacting your life, relationships, or mental health, consider talking to a therapist who specializes in body image or sexual health.
Now you know the real deal. Feel free to go back to the satire and have a laugh— it's more fun when you know the truth.
Back to the Fake ScienceThis page contains actual medical information from reputable sources. Consult a healthcare provider for personal medical advice.